hire me

This past month I was taught a good lesson about money. Don't eat junk food. It ate my credit card. I went over my monthly limit and it was mainly spent on junk food. It broke my heart and I felt very disappointed that I hadn't been keeping up with my own financial responsibilities. So I haven't used my credit card at all. My money has dwindled down to almost nothing. I feel so foolish, it sucks that was what had to happen for me to learn a lesson. So now I must do what one only can do in that situation and get myself a job. This is mainly to cushion me for over the break and start saving up for the time my parents stop supporting me. Which could be very soon. It bothers me that because I went as far as piercing my lip my parents are basically disowning me. Well my mother loves em too much, but my father on the other hand has chosen to lose his only daughter. My computer crashed. I have no camera. I've lost at least two of my essays in electronic form because I this. It made me want to just throw my hands up and walk away. I have never wanted to run as far away as I have these past two months. Since my dad abandoned me and having my mom tell me I could have anything if I just give up the lip ring makes no sense. Why would he go that far? Cause its not just about a lip ring. I could have never been pierced and my father would have found something to hate me for. I am almost exactly like my dad, I was daddy's little girl. Instead of me being able to run down to the den whenever I have a question or need something, I'm left standing in my room lost, hoping I figure out a way that's not too expensive to fix it. This is all a wake up call to me. College work wasn't much of a shock but finding a an apartment, living there, and having things breakdown on you was.

It's my right =[

Ever since I began living in this apartment, I feel like each day I've grown a little older. I just want to nag about how cruel life is or how inconvenient things are. Or stressful one night can be. Yes I like the freedom I have living on my own, I can leave at three in the morning and go where ever I please. The challenge is living within your means, knowing how far you can go and stopping yourself even when you know you've met that point. This rambling is what I have gathered from this adulthood so far. You may have freedom but what restricts you is your cash flow, your safety, and everyone's expectations from you. I like to be peaceful, especially considering the ones I live with. I thought I would live with one roommate. However she has a boyfriend who lives with her and I have a boyfriend who most nights lives with me. His, Theirs, and my friends all come over to chill. There can be a lot of traffic through Fernando (the name of our apartment, that's a story for another time), so it can get pretty messy. It can be difficult to constantly clean up after everyone leaves or just on a daily basis. Sadly ( I don't like bitching about this), I feel like the only one who ever cleans the stupid place. People walk in and don't give my home any respect. I have seen cigarette ash inside one of my glasses! and in the sink, in toilets...It's all disgusting. My roommate never helps. My boyfriend has cleaned more than her, so have a few of my friends. I have to admit a few while sometimes take out the trash for us or do whatever manly chores are around Fernando. the vacuuming, dishes, cleaning toilets and showers...those are all mine. Or just picking up in general. I just want guests to have respect, I mean I have found my kitchen in conditions I don't think anyone's momma would allow. this is my first apartment I enjoy having friends come over, I couldn't do that a lot at home. I don't want them treating my apartment like some open to the public hangout. It's not, if you eat my food contribute somehow. Throw your trash away. And for God's sake please don't change my music. I just want things to even out and a steady flow of friends come over and leave at decent hours of the night.Thanks.

Rocky Horror Picture Show

I decided to go along with my friends to watch this movie played while being acted out and be entertained by the crowd's commentary. This interactive festivity brought crowds of cross dressers and ladies in whorish costumes. ;) When the show began they asked a few cross dressing men to come to the stage and the marked ones in the crowd who had never been to this show ever. I was called up and had a red balloon stuck between my legs and popped, my skirt flew up a little bit too =[.Yes I dressed like my friends in "slutty" outfits. However my virginity of the rocky horror picture show was taken. The movie was a bit odd I completely understood why so many mock it. Although I'd like to know why it caught hold of so many to come together just to make fun of it. Who knows, it's was definitely amusing to me. I couldn't quite understand what the audience would say sometimes so I never really got the jokes. I enjoy how everyone gets in to it, but it really isn't my kind of humor. Some things were funny. I liked watching the actors, who put on an amazing performance. Towards the end it got kinda slow so my friend and I decided to leave. I had something else to go to and it ended up lasting longer than I expected. While I was leaving I felt like I was apart of something that not many know about. The show had it's own culture.

I have decided to stay awake. My mind moves at lightspeed, no thought uncrossed but no thought fully searched. This one night has allowed me to surface the crave of time I need to myself. This very little lick of satisfaction opened me to blogging. At least at this point I am able to concetrate and find something to write about. Eveytime I try to commit time to my blog, it all falls apart. There's so much I could add or keep from readers. I become so indecisive that I tend to shy away from the computer all together.

This time I have to myself gives me a chance to listen to my music. I'm around friends all the time, which is a good difference compared to being back home. However, I have lost a large importance in my life, my music. I never get to look for new music or pull out old albums. No rituals, no comfortable spots to meditate. I'm not use to this lifestyle.

Are we aiming to provide or hide from the poor?

Where have all our heads gone? There are citites that intentionaly send the homeless to other citites using greyhound or scattering them away from tourists sites. It's ridiculous when the vollunteer state, tries to hide its poverty. Shall we boast about the hungry sitting under bridges of cities? It's sickening to look down on other's financial disabilities. I see more effort from cops moving one homeless man from place to place than our councilmen planning ways to help. My mom works for the mayor of Nashville, so I get a healthy dose of Nashville Politics unfortunetly. However, my concerns spread across the entire United States.

This is a really complicated issue today, you have to consider each homeless person's situation. How did he end up on the streets? You can't assume that every bum just up and quit their job and left their family to be with the dogs on the streets. You have to consider our economy, there are fewer jobs and less pay. Bills are steadily and perpetually increasing each year. The price of the dollar bill dwindling down. Our citizens are struggling, kids are going hungry. Why can't we see the tru problem instead of disposing of them as easy as possible and make sure they aren't flies by our ears?

On the other hand, the government is not your mother. Do you expect them to hold your hand after you were fired? Do you want America to be the country to wipe your ass because citizens can't be responsible? I don't think so. There are plenty of examples of hard working middle class Americans who deal with the inconviences of our economy but still manage to make a living. Red Cross in Nashville drove around popular homeless areas to offer a warm place to stay as temperatures crept to below freezing. Men turned those offers down to stay in the cold, bodies the next morning were found by burned out trashcans.

Could you blame them? I wouldn't want to be in the position to rely on others to amke you survive the next day. After asking and asking, rude people turning you down, cold nights, hunger...I would not accept anymore.

There's so many perspectives and exceptions about homelessness. However not enough complications to put forth the effort of hiding our homelessness. I will continue later.

This has been a really bad week for me.

I have bronchitis, then two days later pink eye in both eyes!
My boyfriend broke up with me in the worst way. I mean grow some you know what and give me the truth. I at least deserve that much. They say sometimes you have to learn to let things go but this is really difficult.

Anyways I'd just like to skip a couple of weeks of my life and start fresh.

Cultural Crawl

After a long night, waking up and listening to Vivaldi made things much more pleasant. I'm sure I will be back there to hear more sweet music. The Romantic period was my favorite to learn about in music history, back in my freshman year highschool.

I liked touring the different art venues, the walking not so much. It was too earlier and I had no coffee. Anyway it was informative and interesting. I liked walking around the square and checking the small shops.

I would have rather ate some tastey Japanese, but it's good to try new things.